The modesty wars

This article- I think I needed to read it. Alicia wrote a post (sorry I don't have time to go look it up!) a ways back about trying to navigate this online world of heavy opinions. Being swayed one way or another on this debate over modesty and personal responsibility. Men vs. women. Objectification vs. respect. It's a cyclical mess! She decided love was the answer, and I agree. But I also want to add personal responsibility.

http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2013/09/on-respect-responsibility-and-mrs-halls.html

Let's all take personal responsibility. I'll do my darned best to teach my daughters to treat themselves with respect and love, and that includes a commitment to modesty in my opinion. AND I will do everything I can to teach my son that his thoughts and actions are HIS. That he needs to look at all of God's children just like that, as God's children.

But first I have to do the same. I have to remind myself daily that my worth is not based on the desire, or lack of, that I might elicit from my lust addicted husband. (This seems a bit strange to me, since I grew up reciting "We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love him" and now, being a YW leader, I again, say this every Sunday. And I still BELIEVE it's true. There's just something about porn and lust addictions that confuses it all). I sometimes wonder if I will ever have a healthy relationship with sex. I swing from one extreme to the other- wanting absolutely nothing to do with it to wanting desperately to be wanted desperately. Neither of these can be healthy. I don't believe either of these is what God intended for his children when he gave us this gift.

Not only has the introduction of porn in my life, through my husband, damaged my own sex life, it's damaged how I interact with EVERYONE. I get sickened by the thought that some stranger at the gym might be looking at me. I was offended when my husband told me he thought I was the prettiest girl at the party, and he thought the other men there agreed. I have to remind myself daily that the women who flaunt their bodies for attention, the women who claim to love the "power" they have to control men like my husband, aren't really the enemy. They're God's children too. I don't agree with their choices, I tend to believe most, if not all, of them are stuffing down and covering their own pain. I tend to think that they can't possibly be experiencing lasting joy when eliciting lust is their objective. These women whether in porn, at the gym, working at hooters, walking down the street, shopping at Target, whatever, they're daughters of God. They have divine worth. Maybe they just don't know where to turn to find that worth.

I'm working on it everyday. I'm going to take responsibility for how I present myself to the world and I'm going to take responsibility for how I view everyone else in it.