Normal enough?

I've been wanting to write. I feel like I need to write. But, I can't think of anything worth saying. "Ditto" or "Same-old, same-old" comes to mind. I had an annoying conversation about finances with T a few days ago where I was triggered and overreacting because it just felt like one more instance where he can't compromise, where he can't consider my needs and feelings. He can only comprehend what he wants. The worst part is the conversation started out with him trying to include me in a decision. It just became clear that he wanted to do something he thought I wouldn't like, and he wanted me to give him permission- for whatever reason. To ease any guilt, to prevent an argument down the road, a mixed up attempt at actually trying to come to an agreement about something. Who knows. 

Then, T's sister called to catch-up. It was the worst conversation I've had about my situation with someone other than T. It was the worst. She was trying to be loving and supportive, but for the life of her, she couldn't stop giving advice. She's one who likes to know everything that's going on and she wants to help everyone with their issues. After some small talk, she wanted to know how I was "really doing" so I vented about the finance discussion and a few other things and then she replies "I've been married a long time (I think 15 or 16 years and I've almost been married 10 so we're not talking a huge difference in life experience here, but I suppose that's not really the point), and it just seems that men need sex before they can open up emotionally and feel connected and women want to feel connected first. It's a difference that just has to be worked through". I think she was caught off guard when I told her I thought that was BS. She backed tracked by saying "well in my marriage..." She then told me how she talked to her other brother, who isn't really religious, to see if he thought T's level of drinking was dangerous. The brother happened to agree that it was, but seriously, what the heck?!? I've had maybe two conversations about the drinking with my SIL and I get that denial is strong. I was there for A LONG time. But how does she think she's going to help this situation by second guessing what I'm telling her I see? If my brother-in-law had said he thought it was a normal amount of drinking, and the new family line is that I'm blowing everything out of proportion, is that going to help anything? To take sides? I get where she's coming from, and I'm mostly over it, it's just flat out infuriating that people assume you haven't thought through all these issues. I don't know what she thinks I've been doing for the last TEN YEARS, but I think I just might have a little more perspective on my situation than she does. I ended up getting very defensive and kept giving her more extreme details about my situation until she finally shut-up and was out of answers. I think the final line was "well, frankly, it's hard to even want to feel connected when you know your husband would rather down a half liter of vodka alone at night than spend time with you, talk to you, or go to bed with you". Now I'm worried about what she's going to say to her brother and other family members. I hate the idea that they talk about us behind our backs, mostly because I feel like I need to be there to defend myself and T, to make sure things aren't taken out of context. But I suppose that's part of the territory when you open up to people about something like this.

I figure I'm going to have to write her a letter or talk to her about this conversation because I won't be able to handle something like that again. I hate making boundaries. I love boundaries, but I hate initially setting them. It's always awkward and there's always resistance. Blah.

On another note, my son was sick and we missed church this morning. I'm actually kind of grateful. It's the first morning in a long time that I haven't had to be be somewhere by 9am. I've had a chance to think and de-stress. We watched the Book of Mormon videos and I was impressed with the fact that Laman and Lemuel didn't believe that God would help them do as he wanted. I feel like that a lot these days.

But now, I'm currently buried under yards and yards and yards of tulle that I cut into strips for Halloween costumes.That seems like it would be annoying or stressful, but I'm enjoying the normalcy of it all. For the moment, I'm just your average mom who makes Halloween costumes for her kids. 

Do you ever wonder what dark secrets other families might be hiding? Is there really such a thing as normal, or is it a fantasy that's perpetuated that make us all feel like we've been seriously robbed of something?

If you don't hear from me later this week, assume I was buried alive under this mess.