The normals of addiction

It's been a weird couple of days. T's and my schedules have kept us busy, and we don't often get a lot of extra time to spend together or do things as a family. We did get to go out for our 10 year anniversary. But T was really tired and acting like he didn't feel well and while we were at dinner he told me he keeps forgetting to pick up his prescription refill for anti-anxiety meds. He thought that was what was throwing him off. Very well could be. All I know was he was acting weird and hard to talk to, that is, hard to talk to in a way that was different from the normal "hard to talk to". Ha.

So I typed out this whole detailed story of what happened in the next few days but it felt too much like I was bashing and nit picking at my husband, and I don't want to do that. So, long story short- T worked a lot, stayed up late without me (almost certainly drinking). I was with the kids by myself for 48 hours straight including somethings like church and neighbor parties that were exhausting. T fell asleep after dinner yesterday and slept through the night for more than 12 hours. And I'm annoyed. And I don't know if that's fair. I don't know what's normal disagreements between a married couple because to me everything leads back to addiction.

I mean he did work a lot the last couple of days, he was not feeling well due to his sudden with drawl of meds and I have no idea if taking the meds (he finally got his prescription yesterday) again might have made him more tired. All I know was that I hadn't seen him, had hardly talked to him in two days and all he cares to do is sleep. It feels like rejection.

 I'm also anticipating more of the same this evening because Mondays are his Fridays. Based on every past Monday/Tuesday in the last while it'll look something like: He'll probably come home and take a nap right after work and wake up in time to help me get the kids to bed. Then he'll go to the gym. We'll hang out for 30 minutes before I go to bed and then he'll stay up late watching TV and drinking. I'll do the Tuesday morning routine with the kids (and since we all have the day off probably go to the gym). We'll come home around 11 at which time T will have been up for maybe 20 minutes. He'll be happy and ready to go for the Christmas Eve festivities. By this point I'll be beyond peeved and full on angry. I typically become short and sarcastic and everything he does bugs me. T thinks I'm a nut. A crazy,angry person. He's nothing but pleasant and patient with the kids while I'm now losing it at every turn. We've done this pattern so many times that it all feels normal. This can't be normal, right? Every time I bring it up, T usually concedes that I have a point and states that he'll do things differently. If he does, it lasts a week at the most.

I feel like I'm out of line for making "taking a nap" into a big deal. I feel like I'm trying to control him by suggesting that things would work better for me, for us, for our kids, if he chose a more normal sleep schedule. The only boundary I've come up with, that does help, is that I don't allow his schedule to interrupt my life. I don't stay up too late because it's the only chance I'd have to spend time with him. I don't skip out on doing things with friends, family or for the kids because it doesn't work for his schedule. It helps, but what he chooses to do, still doesn't work for me. So what then? To me it's all addiction related. To T it's just that "he likes alone time in the evening to unwind". He works hard, he works an inconsistent schedule, etc. etc. so what's the big deal if he wants a nap when he gets home?

This all just seems SO stupid. Should it really be that hard for two adults, parents of three young kids,to come up with a schedule? Could it really be the source of contention, the side effect of addiction, that ultimately breaks up our family?