"I just don't see how I can do this anymore?!" How many times a week do you say or think those words? I must think or say them to myself at least once a day. I keep trying and it keeps getting harder. My therapist warned me. "As you get healthier, he's going to start looking sicker".
Does T ever look sick these days. How can he not see it? How can they not see it?
How did we not see it? That one gets me too. Something we were once oblivious to has become unacceptable. Love the sinner but not the sins. Some days are easier than others.
ReplyDeleteVery true. Denial is powerful. Addiction is one sneaky little bugger. I'm shocked by it's self-sustaining abilities.
DeleteAfter asking yourself how can I go on anymore, what keeps you going? I am asking genuinely.
ReplyDeleteI had to think about that honestly- It's a little different from day to day. Mostly, a mixture of hope and fear. Hope for things to get better, for the man I love to resurface. Fear of the unknown. And T LOVES our kids. It breaks my heart, worse than porn, worse than the anxiety and fear of the drinking, to think about separating them.
Delete"As you get healthier, he's going to start to look sicker." That is so true.. Thanks for writing this post.
ReplyDeleteEleanor
I say, "I am done" at least twice a week, but when I pray/calm down, I am able to step back and see the big picture.... and I realize the majority of my life is great. I am still trying to find ways to insulate myself from the bad parts.
ReplyDeleteoh wow...thats the truth. as we get healthier they do look sicker.
ReplyDelete